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Wives Submit to your Husbands

Colette Toach 

I can almost hear you cringe when you read that statement!

Ephesians 5:

22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so [let] the wives [be] to their own husbands in every thing.

Yes, we all know it is a commandment of the Lord, but one I think most of us woman would rather avoid all together. After all, I am the stronger of the two, the Lord just doesn't know what kind of man my husband is!

He is lazy, He doesn't understand one thing about the move of the spirit and really doesn't care either. I know I need to submit but under the circumstances, I feel that I need to go forward for the Lord and if he wants to stay behind, then that is his problem.

Any of this sound familiar? It is not an easy place to be when you are the one moving forward for God and your husband is somewhere in the dust cloud behind you. But, yet it says there quite clearly that we are supposed to be subject to them in EVERY thing.

How does this all fit in with your ministry and how can you submit to a man, that isn't even moving in the spirit? I hope to clear a few things up for you on this and hopefully encourage you to press on see great results in your lives as a team.

Ok so you know you need to submit, but man, it is so hard when your husband just doesn't understand where you are at! I had a similar problem with my husband. Being saved most of my life, I had a background he didn't. He got saved shortly after we were going out for a while. To my surprise the Lord gave us both the Prophetic Key indicating that we would work together as a team in the office, doing great things for His kingdom.

I was so excited! I thought it would be great, we would just walk hand in hand doing the work of the Lord wherever we went. Boy was I in for a shocker! What I didn't realize was that as I was growing in the Lord, He had been training me extensively for the office and had come to a place way ahead of my husband. He was only now moving into training and I felt myself floundering.

On the one hand I wanted to push forward with what the Lord had for me, but yet on the other hand I didn't want to leave my husband behind. I was in a position. I cried to the Lord what now? Where do I go? Do I sit on the side line and wait for him to catch up, or do I press forward hoping he will someday get to where I am going and in the middle of it. Where do I draw the line between submission and ministry?

Out of the two of us I have the stronger character. My husband is an amiable person, you know, one of those people everyone likes and he just never upsets the apple cart, going through life happy go lucky.

Then there was me. I just wanted to go out there and conquer the world. I am the kind of person that steps on toes and almost always putting my foot in it! By nature I like to take the lead, I like to organize, make decisions. So it was easy for me to take control, easy for me to dominate. I found it hard to submit and not because of rebellion but because I could just do it better in my own thinking. Ever been there?

I had so much trust in my own strengths and abilities that I didn't trust Craig enough to be capable. I didn't trust him with things I thought I did better. In my mind he let people run over him too easily, he didn't have the backbone I did.

I guess back then already I should have known I was in for a crunching! The Lord had to bring me to my knees, He had to make me fail at everything until I had no one to go to except my husband. I had to fail so badly that Craig was the only one in this world I could rely on.

I remember at one time we had a lot of conflict with his family. Because I didn't think he was strong enough to deal with it, I took it on myself to fight the battle. I wore myself out. I understand too well now why we need to submit. It is our covering, our protection. I stepped out of that when I decided to do it all on my own and I came under heavy attack. The devil played me for a fool and I failed gloriously.

When I couldn't take anymore I withdrew and hid behind the covering the Lord gave me. I could not believe the pressure that lifted from my shoulders. I felt a few pounds lighter, I found I could breathe a little easier. What I did was release Craig to be the man the Lord wanted him to be.

Before then, I had never given him the opportunity. You know what the amazing thing was? Craig coped. He not only coped, he did it better than I did.

I am daily coming to a realization of what it means to submit, and believe me it isn't for the sake of your husband, it is for your sake.

Ephesians 5:28 So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loves his wife loves himself.

The Lord knows what emotional creatures we can be and so He placed a covering over our heads to prevent the devil from hitting us, that way he has to go through our hubbies first. It is the nature of man to protect.

Here in Ephesians the Lord says that a man is to love his wife as if she was his own flesh. He is supposed to protect you as he would himself and encourage you as he does himself. That doesn't sound like someone who will dominate and crush, rather it is God's pattern for you to let your husband shield and nourish you, to let him treat you as he would his own body and his own mind.

Can you understand now why you fall flat when you go off in your own steam, can you understand now what you drain all your resources fighting a battle that is not yours? It is the Lord's wonderful way to make sure that we are taken care of. The woman is precious to the Lord and He made sure plans that we would be given the strength through our husbands that we lack in our own emotional (and often hormonal) lives.

Now comes the tough part. How does your submission to your husband fall in with your ministry? As I stated earlier I was way ahead of Craig when the Lord first called us as a team. I wanted to hold back and wait, while inside I just wanted to burst! I asked the Lord what I should do and He told me quite clearly to forget about where Craig needs to be and to move on to what He has for me. What happened next with us was a time of different paths. The Lord took me to one side and Craig to another.

At first I was worried that we might never flow together as a team and it looked like Craig was getting no where, but still the Lord urged me forward assuring me that He knew what He was doing. So, I went on, I forgot about Craig's spiritual life, pressing forward with mine. I took Craig often to the Lord and left him in His hands.

The tough part in this was finding that line again. Here I was way ahead of him in the spirit, so naturally I dominated most prophesies, most revelations. I was getting them and Craig often came to me for ministry. The problem was that because I took the lead in ministry I took it up in our home as well.

We had endless battles where I tried to assert my position and he had to keep reminding me that he was capable. It did not mean that because he was behind me in the spirit, that he was under me in the flesh! To submit in All things became a hard pill to swallow. It was a battle, but we came to equilibrium.

I took him into consideration before spending any time with the Lord. I made sure my other duties were taken care of first before I took time to get into the Word and into the spirit. It might look to you that I put my husband before the things of the Lord, but what I did brought results on both our lives. You see, that way he was not in competition with the Lord.

Titus 2:4 That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children,

5 [To be] discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

It may sound odd, but sometimes that is how a man sees it. I remember at one stage I was so involved with the Lord and so lit up that I just wanted to spend every waking moment with Him! It may have been an admirable commitment and indeed I was learning much at the Father's feet, but I was neglecting the needs of my husband, to press forward in the spirit. So instead of him backing me, he felt he had to compete and there now came a pull between him and the Lord for my affection. There is a line and you need to make sure where it lies.

Your first responsibility as a wife and mother, if you look at the scripture above, is to your family. Why? Because when you do that, you bless your husband and your commitment becomes a benefit to you as a family unit. That way your husband is blessed by your commitment to the Lord and not discouraged.

Did you not think for a moment that maybe your intense commitment to the Lord might be driving a wedge between the Lord and your husband? Are you giving the kind of example that leaves your husband wanting you to become a better Christian, or are you making him feel that he wishes you never got on fire?

When I submitted to the needs of my husband and family first and then set time aside with the Lord, my husband not being in competition any more, encouraged me and even surprised me at times offering to take care of the kids, while I spent time with the Lord. So we learned a balance and could walk forward again.

I had long forgotten to try and get Craig and I on the same plane. Then the Lord took me through a death that I could not deal with on my own, I had no one to turn to and all sides seemed blocked, even the Lord was silent. I had only Craig to turn to. Like the last time, I had to be brought to a state of humbling before I could come to him.

So I went to him and asked out of desperation, for him to pray with me. Not thinking he would get anything, but so desperately knowing I needed help.

Well I just know that the Lord has a great sense of humor! My husband just astounded me! He not only told me the source of the problem, but also gave me a prophetic word and helped me deal with it. I got up again feeling refreshed and full of power. The Lord then opened my eyes in a big way to how He had been preparing Craig all this time, even though I could not see it.

It was as if overnight I noticed the change in Craig. From that time forward I noticed how he progressed in leaps and bounds until it came to the place where the Lord told us, that He had put us on different paths for a while to train each of us differently to work as a team. Now we walk on the path together and I am amazed at the work He has done in both of us.

When I feel oppressed or under condemnation I run immediately to Craig and he takes up his position and tells the devil to get his filthy mitts off HIS wife. Now I don't find it hard to submit at all, he is not only head of our home, but now head in our spiritual walk as well, it is great to have those comforting arms to cry into when I feel down.

He is my greatest protector and although there are some things I am still ahead of him on, he does not fail to amaze me with the wisdom and strength the Lord has placed in him.

Ladies, your husband may look like nothing but a couch potato right now. Maybe you see a spark every now and again, but nothing to get excited about, so you lose hope. Maybe you see nothing at all and you have lost all hope. If your husband is a Christian, the Lord wants you to be a team. Give it to Him and don't even try to understand it.

Look to the Lord for a direct word or conformation that he wants the two of you working as a team and when He gives it to you, hold on to it for dear life! Don't let it go for anything! Push through with what the Lord is doing in you and keep placing your husband before Him. Do not bug your husband, do not try to bible bash him, do not expect him to get excited about what you are doing. Just go forward for the Lord.

What you do not see is the work the Lord is doing in him behind the scenes. One morning you will get up and that little bud you have been so accustomed to seeing tightly closed, would have bloomed into a magnificent rose. Its fragrance will be pleasing to your nose and its sight beautiful to behold. You will worship the Father who does in secret those great mysteries of the Universe.

 


Responses Posted For This Page

Response from Paula : What a beautiful, godly example. well said, and I will heed this wisdom. I will also pass on this article!

Response from Annette : Thank you so much for a wonderful article, I am going through this very trial in my life right now. Learning how to respect and love my husband by submitting to his leadership. Thank God for the leading of His Spirit.

Response from Gillian : tanks you have just spoken about me,now i understand how to deal with it.


Response from Shoyan : Well while I am not yet married I try to read enough to prepare me for this part of my life. I want to be a great wife and learning this has enlargen my view on marriage and Christ's expectation of me.

Response from tsungai mushambi : your message has just refreshed my spifit thats exactactly what i've been doing all along. thank you so much and may the Lord continue to bless you.

Response from Jerry : What do you do if your spouse doesn't want you to go to church at all?
Reply : If we look in the Word, the Word is clear. It says, wives, submit to your husbands as unto the Lord. So even though you are doing something spiritual it doesn't mean that the Word doesn't apply. Your husband's will is for you not to go to Church and according to the Word, you need to submit to that, regardless of how spiritual your desire may be. However, that doesn't mean that you can't stay at home and fellowship in the Lord with your family. Church can be anywhere where believers gather in HIs name. Also, you can pray for your husband because the Word says that the prayer of a righteous man avails much. So you press forward in faith, hope and love and speak blessing on your husband. You pray that His heart will be softened and that the Lord would reach in there. In the meantime however, you submit to His will and stay at home with Him. That is what the Word asks of you. If there is anything else you'd like to share or ask, feel free to email us (use the feedback form on any of our pages, on the right hand side of the page) or give us a call. In His Love, Denise Jordan AMI Minister

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